life

so last week was a horrible week. i lost my friend who ive known all of my life from cancer. she had been battling it since November and the whole time she wasnt able to eat drink talk or even swallow her own spit for that matter. it was really hard watching her go through it but she was so strong and selfless that i couldnt help but feel proud of her. i honestly have never been as close to some one as her. i knew her favorite food, her goals, dreams, hopes. and to see it all taken away from someone like her breaks my heart but she in a better place no matter how selfish i want to be and keep her here. The hardest thing about her funeral was watching the pictures of us when we where little and knowing we will never be able to make any other memories and all of our promises shall for ever remain broken. Her, her twin sister, and i where always making promises like going on a road trip this summer but we couldnt because she was to sick and having our kids all grow up together and be best friends and go on all family vacations together like we did but now thats never going to happen. and its sad. she lives wow that's going to be hard to get use to... she lived an hour away from here so i went up and spent a lot of time with her this summer just watching movies and texting which i will always cherish but when ever she would begging to feel better some thing horrible would happen like needing an emergency breathing tube. no treatments ever worked. she couldnt get anymore radiation in march because it would kill her. no chemo treatment worked and the experimental treatments made her feel better but the cancer continued to progress. and no doctors would sign off on a comfort care treatment for her which just (excuse my language) pisses me off. how can they worry about being sued when she is dying and her family says the wont sue and are willing to sign papers. we spend every Christmas eve together so this year we surprised her at Stanford while she was getting her treatment with a Christmas tree and presents and to see her face light up makes me so happy but when we where leaving she began to cry and it made me feel awful... sadly that is something else i will never for get. her family would always say how much it meant to them that i would come and visit and my parents would tell me that they where proud of me for going because my brother and sister couldnt handle it my dad wouldnt go and when ever my mom would she would get teary eyed. when i said good bye to her on Sunday and she was unconscious i was the only one to acknowledge her like she was still here. my parents didnt and i was really disappointed with them. i never understood how much it meant to them when i would come over until this weekend. im really going to miss her and im happy that shes no longer suffering but that doesnt mean its any worse. i love her and her family because they are like a part of mine. cancer is a bitch. so please take a word of advice go for your goals and dont cause any drama and fighting because life is honestly to short.